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Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas :)



Merry Christmas everyone :)

But I don't really feel the Christmas spirit this year though.
It's been a hard year indeed.
I won't stop hoping that next year is going to be less harder.
Hopefully everything will turn out like what i plan.

For this Christmas and also this year,
I am grateful to have a loving family.
I am grateful to have friends that i can count on.
I am grateful to have the strength to face each day.
I am grateful to have my cool and loving Dad.
I am grateful to him for giving me all the support that i need throughout this year. Although things turned out this way, I will always love you.
I am grateful to know that there are still people that do care for me, doesn't matter if I know you or not.
But if you are viewing this post it means that you care :)

They are maybe few things that I forgot to list up there but I know that I am grateful for whatever that has happen in 2009.

So, i'll end my post here by wishing every one Merry Christmas and have a great memorable one :)


L.O.V.E :

audreyambrose

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy 1 week anniversarry my dearest blog :D

Today marks the first week that i own a blog :)
Frankly speaking, i enjoy having one.

HAPPY WEEKSARY MY BLOG :) hahah!

Yesterday i had a very relaxing day with my cousin Amirah.
We went to Herbaline for facial.
Then went to De' Beaute Land in Donggongon for back scrub.
Then head to Lintas for dinner at the vegetarian food there..
I dunno what went wrong with me yesterday but i fell asleep during the facial, back scrub and also on my way home.
When arrived home, terus tidur mati. Hahah!

And now, i can't sleep.
Insomnia again on THURSDAY like last week?
Hahahahah..

Since Vivien is back here for her Christmas holiday, we hung out to catch up stories with her.
I miss having her around all the time like we used to lah :(
We went to watch Alvin and The Chipmunks 2 since all of us really enjoy watching the trailer.
Well we were suppose to watch Avatar though but at the decided to go for the chipmunks instead.
Lately, I've watched loads of cartoons la.
Is it a good thing? Hahah!
Just these past few weeks I've watched Princess and The Frog, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, Meet The Robinsons and Monsters Inc.

I know Alvin and The Chipmunks are not in the same category though but it's quite almost the same la.
Same category juga tuu :D hahah!

Owhhhh Andddddd ...

I Love my hair :)))))))


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .




As times goes by, I realize that I am missing part of me..

I need him to make me feel safe.
I need him to make me feel secure.
I need him to comfort me.
I need him to tell me that everything is going to be okay.

I need him to make me feel love again.


All I can think about is him..
But I totally have no idea what to do..
It's easy to say, it's easy to judge, it's easy to advice.
But when you are in my shoe, you'll feel this way as well ..
I miss him., even more and it hurts.






L.O.V.E and it still hurts dammit :
audreyambrose

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Photographs speaks louder than words.

I went to a charity visit recently and i capture these moments with the kids there.
They were happy when we arrived :)
I feel blessed to lend them a helping hand on Christmas week :)





Love :


audreyambrose

Friday, December 18, 2009

Mask that i wore.



I received a text just now about breaking the family ties because of Facebook.
Woah ~
Facebook is more valuable than family ties huh?
It hurts so badly that person has the courage to type the text message and forward it to me.
I cried almost every time when i find myself unable to help my family specifically my dad.
I will help you one day dad, i will ease the burden that you are carrying, i will look after you just like how you and mum did.
Life is full of obstacles.
And it came just about the time when i least expect.
Now i just added one more issue for me to cry every night.

I feel that I am a burden to the people surrounding me.
I feel like I'm a burden when I eat.
I feel like I'm a burden when I watch the tv.
I feel like I'm a burden when I sleep.
I feel like I'm a burden asking for money.
I feel like I'm a burden continuing my education.
And i even feel like I'm a burden just by sitting in silence.

I envy those people that are able to support their own family.
I envy those who achieve so much in their life.
I envy those who can sleep well each night.
I envy those people that has no financial problem.
I envy those who are very strong to face life.

As much as i want to stay in denial,
I have to face reality.

It is not easy.
I'm wearing a mask every where I go.
I smile and laugh and even make people laugh but deep down inside me every thing..
Is not okay. It never was.


I may seem a very happy go lucky person because that's what I want to feel.
I am like this. I am aware of this.
I can let the whole world smile but the pain that i carry with seems even more painful each day.
What is it that i do?

Growing up I told myself that this is just one of God's test to my family.
Each night I pray on bended knees and say a little pray for You to take these burden away one by one.
But instead, it keeps getting worst.
I still have my faith in You Lord.
Please listen to one of my prayers for even the little things can make a big change.

My friends are unaware of what I am facing each day cos I make it look like everything is okay.

I just need to let this one out.

One by one the pain is hurting me.
I wish i can stay numb for as long as I live.

I told myself that everything happens for a reason.
But ...
The more i let myself think of this, i started to lose faith in You.


For now,

I can just smile and wipe my mask.
And continue each living day.


Life is hard but if we don't face this what's the point of living?



Sincerely,


audreyambrose.

What a DAY.


Dear diary,
  • Woke up at 10 am then shower.
  • Scolded Aaron and Adrian for being ridiculously annoying ,
  • Went to 818 with Michelle and Jonathan Asing a.k.a Asung , Donovan was suppose to join us but dunno la. So many excuses. Sigh ~
  • When for photo hunting with both of them. I have to state here that i enjoy every bit of the photo hunting with them. At least i get to catch up and chit chat and also share with them rather than staying at home browsing through Astro the whole freaking day. Hahah!
  • Went back home and transfer all the photos.
  • Then i do what i do best :D hahah! Editing photos.
  • Uploading photos.
  • Smiling.
  • My brother in law, Oliver came to the house and asked us to accompany my sister Anne at home.
  • My cousin Jesse, my brother Adrian and I decided to pay them a visit.
  • Cuddling my niece Ophelia as today marks her 1st birthday, Happy Birthday my dear niece. Your aunty loves you very much :)
  • Ate dinner.
  • Chatting with my cousin Vivien.
  • Then Jesse asked me to accompany her to fetch Vien's friend Ivan for a yam cha at Evor's place.
  • Chit chatting with Ivan inside the car.
  • Arrived at Evor's place.
  • Chatting with Vivien.
  • Quarreling on the phone with the erk-erm-hrm-urm .. 
  • Ate salad.
  • Quarreling on the phone with the erk-erm-hrm-urm ..
  • Drank a lil bit.
  • Laughing.
  • Quarreling on the phone with the erk-erm-hrm-urm .
  • Quarreling on the phone with the erk-erm-hrm-urm ..
  • Forcing them to finish their drinks so that I rest like the rest of em'.
  • Sent Ivan back to his hotel room and laughing real hard inside the car with Jesse and Adrian because of Ivan's joke when he's drunk.
  • Fell asleep inside the car.
  • Arrived home.
  • Switch on the laptop.
  • Clicking Mozilla Firefox.
  • Type in audreyambrose.blogspot.com.
  • And typing this post right here when I am suppose to be sleeping. Hahah!

Basically that's about today :)




*hugs and kisses*


audreyambrose :)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

. Love Attraction .


" Love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my husband"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts. "

Is it suppose to be THAT complicated just to love or be love by someone?
Why is it complicated?
To spice the relationship? Yeah? No?

For the fun of it? No? Yeah?

Then what?

Not to say that I'm a pro in relationship otherwise I'll not bragging about this post here.
But yeah. I guess no living man nor woman will ever find the answer to that.
For me although Love hurts, it doesn't mean that it is the end of the world.
I'll always find a way to cheer myself up although I'm hurting inside.

" I want you to notice when I'm not around anymore.. "

Indeed it is. We tend to not appreciate someone and neglect them.
But when he/she is not around then we crawl back to them, begging.
All this drama and dilemma in relationship.
It's too tiring for me.


I'm tired with your assumptions.
I'm tired of you never learn to trust me.
I'm tired of explaining to you that I'm telling you nothing but the truth.

I'm tired of listening to you complaining that you are stressed out because of this relationship.

Stressed because of me?
That's even worst. It hurts, God damn it!

We were happy before.
It seems like I can talk to you just about everything and anything.
Problems. Gossips. Family.
Even just plain talking.
I miss that.
Where is that guy that i fell in love with?
Maybe we lose our spark.
Every time we fight, ego will take in control.
Instead of trying to save the relationship, we tried to look for each others fault.
That is not the right thing to do.
And you dig back about the past?
That's not saving the relationship, that's ruining one.
Time?
I guess I am finally standing on for myself.
I'm unveiling my mask.
I'm tired of pretending that it's okay every single time when it is not.
I love you seems hard to me.

Moving on seems hard but i know I'll manage.
Cos i need to.
You'll always be part of my life story.
 It's just sad that it's not a happy ending.
I love you and you knew it.

But i know, one day Audrey :)
One day.
I am sure of it..

Whoever you might be, I hope you will make me happy.
Make me laugh.

Make me feel safe around you.
Accept my flaws and all.
That's all i want.





L.O.V.E filled with T.E.A.R.S ;

Audrey.





Sunset with Michelle and Ng .

We didn't plan this outing at first.
It started when the three of us were commenting on how bored we were at home.
Then little did we know we were in Tanjung Aru. Hahah!

Ahh..
I'm going to use the most common phase here..


LET THE PICTURES DO THE TALKING. Hahah! 







 Hahah! I'm in all photos :D





















 I indeed had a lot of fun chilling with Michelle and Ng :)


I need to take a time off from cyberland man.
My eyes are begging me to rest.
Another outing with friends tomorrow :)
Looking forward and will definitely update here.


L.O.V.E ;


Audrey.












 


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Proud of myself . <3


Note : A random post of my artwork.

My cousin asked me to help her out with a quite creative way to wish a happy birthday to someone..
She asked me to take pictures of herself holding HAPPY BIRTHDAY with each letter and turn it into Gif format infact i did her hair and make up, art direction and as well as styling her for this project!
I must admit that i was extremely exhausted with this 2 days of non-sleeping, taking pictures and editing at the same time.
But when all the hard works is over, I'm pretty impressed myself with the result :)
Gif format cannot post ah? Sigh ~



I personally love this one <3
Although i don't own  a slr camera i still love this shot, it's the power of editing baby :D
I got nothing to do at the moment bah ni that's why i try to find subjects to post about. Hahah!
AND
.
.
.
.
.
I didn't go to class just now.
Great right?
I'm sure the lecturer will cut down my marks man :(
And owhhh yeaaahh..
How can i leave this one without telling you guys.
I was in college yesterday listening to seniors doing their final presentation then one of the seniors grab a seat next to me and asked about this pageant in college that my club advisor asked me to join.
Then she said to me, yeahh.. That person is a she.
"Ada bah kawan saya cakap, Audrey ingat dia cantik sangat ka sampai mau ikut tu pageant?"

FOR YOUR INFORMATION TO WHOEVER IS THIS, I DON"T OFFER MYSELF TO JOIN!
THE GRAPHIC STUDENTS FORCED ME TO JOIN!
SO DON"T GET IT MIX!



Then i went blank and damn pissed off!
No wayyy hooozaaayyy i'm going to join that now..
Phewww.. *breath in breath out*

Heh. I also cannot figure out la how to please THESE people..
Everything that we do/did there's always THESE people to critise.
Be gone you Bitches.
Eh wait wait.
That's me :D
hahah!


Be gone you-stupid-zero-minded-people.

*still breathing in and exhaling out*




L.O.V.E <3 ;


Audrey.








Insomnia or just plain addicted to the net?

Hahahah! Yea yeaaa..
3 post in a row in few hours.. *no life owh drey*

Need to sleep but i'm not that sleepy..
Need to go to class but it's not that important today (basically we're going to do the tracing again and again.)

But i want to sleep but need to get ready soon..
But don't want to go to class but need to pass up assignment..

What is all this???

HAHAHAH! *sendiri yg cari masalah* 

I'll let you know what i decide on my next post :D hahah.

Getting ready?? NOT!!
Going to sleep?? NOT!! 


 

Tik Tok Tik Tok ..

Don't stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I'mma fight
'Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don't stop, no..


No nooo.. It's not the song Tik Tok..
But the time flies real fast wei..
Haiyaaa! I was having fun browsing this and that and now i can see the sunrise already..
Iskkk.. Need to get ready soon to attend class at 9..
Langsung xda tidur ni pgi class, hahah!
Die die!!!
Luckily my paper craft almost finish, i mean with the tracing only la..
After that need to trace my face again.. Haiyaa.. What a work..


*complain sija kau ni Drey, be grateful!*




Hmmmm..
Attend class or not ?
Which?
Make up your mind.

Finally.. A blog.

I have been giving it a thought on having a blog since like ages ago.
I was browsing through few blogs then it came to me that i should have at least own one :)
And yeahhh.. 
I'm going to tour around this blog stuff and yeah feel free to drop by and give me useful tips to customize my blog cause it's kinda lame with it's layout now. HAHAH!


I'm sure will get use to this, i mean it's fun to pour our heart out right? To the world? Erkkk .. Hahah!


Hmmm.. 


So this will be my first post on my blog :) 
I hope you guys can catch up with me :)


Next post will be update in the next 24 hours, NOT! 

 
 

L.O.V.E ;


Audrey.